SOME folks are born to trouble, and some are born to pain,
And some are born unhappy, like the Melancholy Dane;
And some, no matter how they strive, can never seem to get
To that state of blissful virtue when you're wholly out of debt.
Hard luck will follow others from the cradle to the grave;
But it seems to me that Evil Fortune's most consistent slave:—
Whose fate is always mingled with unutterable woe;
Is that much-abused and luckless wight, the Villain in the Show.
I have witnessed Richard's downfall, and have often shed a tear
At the sad and grewsome finish of poor Edmund, in King Lear;
I recall a host of villains who have gnashed their teeth with rage
At the hero 'neath the spot-light, while they expired (up stage);
And it saddens me to see so much good effort go to smash
And all the deep-laid plots and plans go tumbling with a crash;
The cup of fortune dashed away before he even sips,
And the villain slink away, with muffled curses on his lips.
For three long acts the Villain keeps the audience in a whirl,
While he tries to win the gold, or steal some other fellow's girl,
And yet he wins no loud applause, nor sympathetic sigh,
But only hateful hisses from the gallery Gods on high.
While the heroine defies him, and little seems to reck
That the much despised Villain always gets it in the neck;
Though well we know that just before the curtain, without fail,
The Villain will cash in his checks, or be led off to jail.
O, suffering fellow-mortal! Through the long, long flight of years
Your way has been a tortuous one, within this Vale of Tears!
Your schemes for wealth and happiness all vanish in the air,
And the saddest thing about it is that no one seems to care.
I often wonder why you never profit by the past,
And, guided by experience, make a lucky strike at last.
It grieves me that you never reap the benefit of toil,
And only just because your morals don't accord with Hoyle.
In stern reality, alas, we do not often find
That virtue rides triumphant, with the Villain 'way behind,
When on the last act of the show grim Fate rings down the drop,
It's mighty apt to happen that the Villain's 'way on top.
That's why we like the drama. We love to go and see
Things working out in just the way we think they ought to be;
And we wish that justice would be dealt to some folks that we know
In the way it's always handed to the Villain in the Show.
