HOW CHAPKIN HALID BECAME
CHIEF DETECTIVE
IN
Balata there lived, some years ago,
two scapegraces, called Chapkin
Halid and Pitch Osman. These
two young rascals lived by their
wits and at the expense of their neighbors.
But they often had to lament the ever-increasing
difficulties they encountered in procuring
the few piasters they needed daily for bread
and the tavern. They had tried several
schemes in their own neighborhood, with
exceptionally poor results, and were almost
disheartened when Chapkin Halid conceived
an idea that seemed to offer every chance of
success. He explained to his chum Osman
that Balata was "played out," at least for a
time, and that they must go elsewhere to satisfy
their needs. Halid's plan was to go to
Stamboul, and feign death in the principal
street, while Osman was to collect the funeral
expenses of his friend Halid.
Arriving in Stamboul, Halid stretched himself
on his back on the pavement and covered
his face with an old sack, while Osman sat
himself down beside the supposed corpse, and
every now and then bewailed the hard fate of
the stranger who had met with death on the
first day of his arrival. The corpse prompted
Osman whenever the coast was clear, and the
touching tale told by Osman soon brought
contributions for the burial of the stranger.
Osman had collected about thirty piasters, and
Halid was seriously thinking of a resurrection,
but was prevented by the passing of the Grand
Vizier, who, upon inquiring why the man lay
on the ground in that fashion, was told that he
was a stranger who had died in the street.
The Grand Vizier thereupon gave instructions
to an Imam, who happened to be at hand, to
bury the stranger and come for the money
to the Sublime Porte.
Halid was reverently carried off to the
Mosque, and Osman thought that it was time
to leave the corpse to take care of itself. The
Imam laid Halid on the marble floor and prepared
to wash him prior to interment. He
had taken off his turban and long cloak and
got ready the water, when he remembered that
he had no soap, and immediately went out to
purchase some. No sooner had the Imam disappeared
than Halid jumped up, and, donning
the Imam's turban and long cloak, repaired to
the Sublime Porte. Here he asked admittance
to the Grand Vizier, but this request was not
granted until he told the nature of his business.
Halid said he was the Imam who, in
compliance with the verbal instructions received
from his Highness, had buried a
stranger and that he had come for payment.
The Grand Vizier sent five gold pieces (twenty
piasters each) to the supposed Imam, and
Halid made off as fast as possible.
No sooner had Halid departed than the
cloakless Imam arrived in breathless haste,
and explained that he was the Imam who had
received instructions from the Grand Vizier to
bury a stranger, but that the supposed corpse
had disappeared, and so had his cloak and
turban. Witnesses proved this man to be the
bona-fide Imam of the quarter, and the Grand
Vizier gave orders to his Chief Detective to
capture, within three days, on pain of death,
and bring to the Sublime Porte, this fearless
evil-doer.
The Chief Detective was soon on the track
of Halid; but the latter was on the keen lookout.
With the aid of the money he had
received from the Grand Vizier to defray
his burial expenses he successfully evaded the
clutches of the Chief Detective, who was
greatly put about at being thus frustrated.
On the second day he again got scent of
Halid and determined to follow him till an
opportunity offered for his capture. Halid
knew that he was followed and divined the
intentions of his pursuer. As he was passing
a pharmacy he noticed there several young
men, so he entered and explained in
Jewish-Spanish (one of his accomplishments) to the
Jew druggist, as he handed him one of the gold
pieces he had received from the Grand Vizier,
that his uncle, who would come in presently,
was not right in his mind; but that if the druggist
could manage to douche his head and back
with cold water, he would be all right for a
week or two. No sooner did the Chief Detective
enter the shop than, at a word from the
apothecary, the young men seized him and, by
means of a large squirt, they did their utmost
to effectively give him the salutary and cooling
douche. The more the detective protested,
the more the apothecary consolingly explained
that the operation would soon be over and
that he would feel much better, and told of
the numerous similar cases he had cured in a
like manner. The detective saw that it was
useless to struggle, so he abandoned himself
to the treatment; and in the meantime Halid
made off. The Chief Detective was so
disheartened that he went to the Grand Vizier
and asked him to behead him, as death was
preferable to the annoyance he had received
and might still receive at the hands of Chapkin
Halid. The Grand Vizier was both furious
and amused, so he spared the Chief Detective
and gave orders that guards be placed
at the twenty-four gates of the city, and that
Halid be seized at the first opportunity.
A reward was further promised to the person
who would bring him to the Sublime
Porte.
Halid was finally caught one night as he was
going out of the Top-Kapou (Cannon Gate),
and the guards, rejoicing in their capture,
after considerable consultation decided to
bind Halid to a large tree close to the Guard
house, and thus both avoid the loss of sleep
and the anxiety incident to watching over so
desperate a character. This was done, and
Halid now thought that his case was hopeless.
Towards dawn, Halid perceived a man with a
lantern walking toward the Armenian Church,
and rightly concluded that it was the beadle
going to make ready for the early morning
service. So he called out in a loud voice:
"Beadle! Brother! Beadle! Brother! come
here quickly."
Now it happened that the beadle was a
poor hunchback, and no sooner did Halid
perceive this than he said:
"Quick! Quick! Beadle, look at my back
and see if it has gone!"
"See if what has gone?" asked the beadle,
carefully looking behind the tree.
"Why, my hump, of course," answered
Halid.
The beadle made a close inspection and
declared that he could see no hump.
"A thousand thanks!" fervently exclaimed
Halid, "then please undo the rope."
The beadle set about to liberate Halid, and
at the same time earnestly begged to be told
how he had got rid of the hump, so that he
also might free himself of his deformity.
Halid agreed to tell him the cure, provided
the beadle had not yet broken fast, and also
that he was prepared to pay a certain small
sum of money for the secret. The beadle
satisfied Halid on both of these points, and
the latter immediately set about binding the
hunchback to the tree, and further told him,
on pain of breaking the spell, to repeat sixty-one
times the words: "Esserti! Pesserti! Sersepeti!"
if he did this, the hump would of
a certainty disappear. Halid left the poor
beadle religiously and earnestly repeating the
words.
The guards were furious when they found,
bound to the tree, a madman, as they thought,
repeating incoherent words, instead of Halid.
They began to unbind the captive, but the
only answer they could get to their host of
questions was "Esserti, Pesserti, Sersepeti."
As the knots were loosened, the louder did the
beadle in despair call out the charmed words
in the hopes of arresting them. No sooner
was the beadle freed than he asked God to
bring down calamity on the destroyers of the
charm that was to remove his hunch. On
hearing the beadle's tale, the guards understood
how their prisoner had secured his
liberty, and sent word to the Chief Detective.
This gentleman told the Grand Vizier of the
unheard-of cunning of the escaped prisoner.
The Grand Vizier was amused and also very
anxious to see this Chapkin Halid, so he sent
criers all over the city, giving full pardon to
Halid on condition that he would come to the
Sublime Porte and confess in person to the
Grand Vizier. Halid obeyed the summons,
and came to kiss the hem of the Grand
Vizier's garment, who was so favorably
impressed by him that he then and there
appointed him to be his Chief Detective.
