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from Nonsense novels (1911) by Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
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Read "Q" (1915) the farce play instead,
dramatised by Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
and Basil MacDonald Hastings (1881-1928)
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II.—"Q." A Psychic Pstory
of the Psupernatural.
I CANNOT
expect that any of my readers will
believe the story which I am about to
narrate. Looking back upon it, I scarcely
believe it myself. Yet my narrative is so
extraordinary and throws such light upon
the nature of our communications with
beings of another world, that I feel I am
not entitled to withhold it from the
public.
I had gone over to visit Annerly at his
rooms. It was Saturday, October 31. I
remember the date so precisely because it
was my pay day, and I had received six
sovereigns and ten shillings. I remember
the sum so exactly because I had put the
money into my pocket, and I remember into
which pocket I had put it because I had
no money in any other pocket. My mind is
perfectly clear on all these points.
Annerly and I sat smoking for some time,
Then quite suddenly —
"Do you believe in the supernatural?
" he asked.
I started as if I had been struck.
At the moment when Annerly spoke of the
supernatural I had been thinking of
something entirely different. The fact
that he should speak of it at the very
instant when I was thinking of something
else, struck me as at least a very
singular coincidence.
For a moment I could only stare.
"What I mean is," said Annerly,
"do you believe in phantasms of the
dead?"
"Phantasms?" I repeated.
"Yes, phantasms, or if you prefer
the word, phanograms, or say if you will
phanogrammatical manifestations, or more
simply psychophantasmal phenomena?"
I looked at Annerly with a keener sense
of interest than I had ever felt in him
before. I felt that he was about to deal
with events and experiences of which in
the two or three months that I had known
him he had never seen fit to speak.
I wondered now that it had never occurred
to me that a man whose hair at fifty-five
was already streaked with grey, must have
passed through some terrible ordeal.
Presently Annerly spoke
again.
"Last night I saw Q," he said.
"Good heavens!" I ejaculated. I
did not in the least know who Q was, but
it struck me with a thrill of
indescribable terror that Annerly had
seen Q. In my own quiet and measured
existence such a thing had never
happened.
"Yes," said Annerly, "I
saw Q as plainly as if he were standing
here. But perhaps I had better tell you
something of my past relationship with Q,
and you will understand exactly what the
present situation is."
Annerly seated himself in a chair on the
other side of the fire from me, lighted a
pipe and continued.
"When first I knew Q he lived not
very far from a small town in the south
of England, which I will call X, and was
betrothed to a beautiful and accomplished
girl whom I will name M."
Annerly had hardly begun to speak before
I found myself listening with riveted
attention. I realized that it was no
ordinary experience that he was about to
narrate. I more than suspected that Q and
M were not the real names of his
unfortunate acquaintances, but were in
reality two letters of the alphabet
selected almost at random to disguise the
names of his friends. I was still
pondering over the ingenuity of the thing
when Annerly went on:
"When Q and I first became friends,
he had a favourite dog, which, if
necessary, I might name Z, and which
followed him in and out of X on his daily
walk."
"In and out of X," I repeated
in astonishment.
"Yes," said Annerly, "in
and out."
My senses were now fully alert. That Z
should have followed Q out of X, I could
readily understand, but that he should
first have followed him in seemed to pass
the bounds of comprehension.
"Well," said Annerly, "Q
and Miss M were
to be married. Everything was arranged.
The wedding was to take place on the last
day of the year. Exactly six months and
four days before the appointed day (I
remember the date because the coincidence
struck me as peculiar at the time) Q came
to me late in the evening in great
distress. He had just had, he said, a
premonition of his own death. That
evening, while sitting with Miss M on the
verandah of her house, he had distinctly
seen a projection of the dog R pass along
the road."
"Stop a moment," I said.
"Did you not say that the dog's name
was Z?"
Annerly frowned slightly.
"Quite so," he replied.
"Z, or more correctly Z R, since Q
was in the habit, perhaps from motives of
affection, of calling him R as well as Z.
Well, then, the projection, or phanogram,
of the dog passed in front of them so
plainly that Miss M swore that she could
have believed that it was the dog
himself. Opposite the house the phantasm
stopped for a moment and wagged its tail.
Then it passed on, and quite suddenly
disappeared around the corner of a stone
wall, as if hidden by the bricks. What
made the thing still more mysterious was
that Miss M's mother, who is partially
blind, had only partially seen the
dog."
Annerly paused a moment. Then he went on:
"This singular occurrence was
interpreted by Q, no doubt correctly, to
indicate his own approaching death. I did
what I could to remove this feeling, but
it was impossible to do so, and he
presently wrung my hand and left me,
firmly convinced that he would not live
till morning."
"Good heavens!" I exclaimed,
"and he died that night?"
"No, he did not," said Annerly
quietly, "that is the inexplicable
part of it."
"Tell me about it," I said.
"He rose that morning as usual,
dressed himself with his customary care,
omitting none of his clothes, and walked
down to his office at the usual hour. He
told me afterwards
that he remembered the circumstances so
clearly from the fact that he had gone to
the office by the usual route instead of
taking any other direction."
"Stop a moment," I said.
"Did anything unusual happen to mark
that particular day?"
"I anticipated that you would ask
that question," said Annerly,
"but as far as I can gather,
absolutely nothing happened. Q returned
from his work, and ate his dinner
apparently much as usual, and presently
went to bed complaining of a slight
feeling of drowsiness, but nothing more.
His stepmother, with whom he lived, said
afterwards that she could hear the sound
of his breathing quite distinctly during
the night."
"And did he die that night?" I
asked, breathless with excitement.
"No," said Annerly, "he
did not. He rose next morning feeling
about as before except that the sense of
drowsiness had apparently passed, and
that the sound of his breathing was no
longer audible."
Annerly again fell into silence. Anxious
as I was to hear the rest of his
astounding narrative, I did not like to
press him with questions. The fact that
our relations had hitherto been only of a
formal character, and that this was the
first occasion on which he had invited me
to visit him at his rooms, prevented me
from assuming too great an intimacy.
"Well," he continued, "Q
went to his office each day after that
with absolute regularity. As far as I can
gather there was nothing either in his
surroundings or his conduct to indicate
that any peculiar fate was impending over
him. He saw Miss M regularly, and the
time fixed for their marriage drew nearer
each day."
"Each day?" I repeated in
astonishment.
"Yes," said Annerly,
"every day. For some time before his
marriage I saw but little of him. But two
weeks before that event was due to
happen, I passed Q one day in the street.
He seemed for a moment about to stop,
then he raised his hat, smiled and passed
on."
"One moment," I said, "if
you will allow me a question that seems
of importance — did he pass on and
then smile and raise his hat, or did he
smile into his hat, raise it, and then
pass on afterwards?"
"Your question is quite
justified," said Annerly,
"though I think I can answer with
perfect accuracy that he first smiled,
then stopped smiling and raised his hat,
and then stopped raising his hat and
passed on."
"However," he continued,
"the essential fact is this: on the
day appointed for the wedding, Q and Miss
M were duly married."
"Impossible!" I gasped;
"duly married, both of them?"
"Yes," said Annerly, "both
at the same time. After the wedding Mr.
and Mrs. Q—"
"Mr. and Mrs. Q," I repeated in
perplexity.
"Yes," he answered, "Mr.
and Mrs. Q— for after the wedding
Miss M took the name of Q—left
England and went out to Australia, where
they were to reside."
"Stop one moment," I said,
"and let me be quite clear —
in going out to settle in
Australia it was their intention to
reside there i"
"Yes," said Annerly, "that
at any rate was generally understood. I
myself saw them off on the steamer, and
shook hands with Q, standing at the same
time quite close to him."
"Well," I said, "and since
the two Q's, as I suppose one might
almost call them, went to Australia, have
you heard anything from them?"
"That," replied Annerly,
"is a matter that has shown the same
singularity as the rest of my experience.
It is now four years since Q and his wife
went to Australia. At first I heard from
him quite regularly, and received two
letters each month. Presently I only
received one letter every two months, and
later two letters every six months, and
then only one letter every twelve months.
Then until last night I heard nothing
whatever of Q for a year and a
half."
I was now on the tiptoe of expectancy.
"Last night," said Annerly very
quietly, "Q appeared in this room,
or rather, a phantasm or psychic manifestation of him.
He seemed in great distress, made
gestures which I could not understand,
and kept turning his trouser pockets
inside out. I was too spellbound to
question him, and tried in vain to divine
his meaning. Presently the phantasm
seized a pencil from the table, and wrote
the words, 'Two sovereigns, to-morrow
night, urgent.'"
Annerly was again silent. I sat in deep
thought. "How do you interpret the
meaning which Q's phanogram meant to
convey?"
"I think," he announced,
"it means this. Q, who is evidently
dead, meant to visualize that fact,
meant, so to speak, to deatomize the idea
that he was demonetized, and that he
wanted two sovereigns to-night."
"And how," I asked, amazed at
Annerly's instinctive penetration into
the mysteries of the psychic world,
"how do you intend to get it to him?"
"I intend," he announced,
"to try a bold, a daring experiment,
which, if it succeeds, will
bring us into immediate connection with
the world of spirits. My plan is to leave
two sovereigns here upon the edge of the
table during the night. If they are gone
in the morning, I shall know that Q has
contrived to de-astralize himself, and
has taken the sovereigns. The only
question is, do you happen to have two
sovereigns? I myself, unfortunately, have
nothing but small change about me."
Here was a piece of rare good fortune,
the coincidence of which seemed to add
another link to the chain of
circumstance. As it happened I had with
me the six sovereigns which I had just
drawn as my week's pay.
"Luckily," I said, "I am
able to arrange that. I happen to have
money with me." And I took two
sovereigns from my pocket.
Annerly was delighted at our good luck.
Our preparations for the experiment were
soon made.
We placed the table in the middle of the
room in such a way that there could be no
fear of contact or collision with any of
the
furniture. The chairs were carefully set
against the wall, and so placed that no
two of them occupied the same place as
any other two, while the pictures and
ornaments about the room were left
entirely undisturbed. We were careful not
to remove any of the wallpaper from the
wall, nor to detach any of the
window-panes from the window. When all
was ready the two sovereigns were laid
side by side upon the table, with their
heads up in such a way that the lower
sides or tails were supported by only the
table itself. We then extinguished the
light. I said "Good night" to
Annerly, and groped my way out into the
dark, feverish with excitement.
My readers may well imagine my state of
eagerness to know the result of the
experiment. I could scarcely sleep for
anxiety to know the issue. I had, of
course, every faith in the completeness
of our preparations, but was not without
misgivings that the experiment might
fail, as my own mental temperament and
disposition might not be of the precise
kind needed for the success of these
experiments
On this score, however, I need have had
no alarm. The event showed that my mind
was a media, or if the word is better, a
transparency, of the very first order for
psychic work of this character.
In the morning Annerly came rushing over
to my lodgings, his face beaming with
excitement.
"Glorious, glorious," he almost
shouted, "we have succeeded! The
sovereigns are gone. We are in direct
monetary communication with Q."
I need not dwell on the exquisite thrill
of happiness which went through me. All
that day and all the following day, the
sense that I was in communication with Q
was ever present with me.
My only hope was that an opportunity
might offer for the renewal of our
intercommunication with the spirit world.
The following night my wishes were
gratified. Late in the evening Annerly
called me up on the telephone.
"Come over at once to my
lodgings," he
said. "Q's phanogram is
communicating with us."
I hastened over, and arrived almost
breathless. "Q has been here
again," said Annerly, "and
appeared in the same distress as before.
A projection of him stood in the room,
and kept writing with its finger on the
table. I could distinguish the word
'sovereigns,' but nothing more."
"Do you not suppose," I said,
"that Q for some reason which we
cannot fathom, wishes us to again leave
two sovereigns for him? ยป
"By Jove!" said Annerly
enthusiastically, "I believe you've
hit it. At any rate, let us try; we can
but fail."
That night we placed again two of my
sovereigns on the table, and arranged the
furniture with the same scrupulous care
as before.
Still somewhat doubtful of my own psychic
fitness for the work in which I was
engaged, I endeavoured to keep my mind so
poised as to readily offer a mark for any
astral disturbance
that might be about. The result showed
that it had offered just such a mark. Our
experiment succeeded completely. The two
coins had vanished in the morning.
For nearly two months we continued our
experiments on these lines. At times
Annerly himself, so he told me, would
leave money, often considerable sums,
within reach of the phantasm, which never
failed to remove them during the night.
But Annerly, being a man of strict
honour, never carried on these
experiments alone except when it proved
impossible to communicate with me in time
for me to come.
At other times he would call me up with
the simple message, "Q is
here," or would send me a telegram,
or a written note saying, "Q needs
money; bring any that you have, but no
more."
On my own part, I was extremely anxious
to bring our experiments prominently
before the public, or to interest the
Society for Psychic Research, and similar
bodies, in the daring transit which we
had effected between the
world of sentience and the psycho-astric,
or pseudo-ethereal existence. It seemed
to me that we alone had succeeded in thus
conveying money directly and without
mediation, from one world to another.
Others, indeed, had done so by the
interposition of a medium, or by
subscription to an occult magazine, but
we had performed the feat with such
simplicity that I was anxious to make our
experience public, for the benefit of
others like myself.
Annerly, however, was averse from this
course, being fearful that it might break
off our relations with Q.
It was some three months after our first
inter-astral psycho-monetary experiment,
that there came the culmination of my
experiences —so mysterious as to
leave me still lest in perplexity.
Annerly had come in to see me one
afternoon. He looked nervous and
depressed.
"I have just had a psychic
communication from Q," he said in
answer to my inquiries, "which I can
hardly fathom. As far as I
can judge, Q has formed some plan for
interesting other phantasms in the kind
of work that we are doing. He proposes to
form, on his side of the gulf, an
association that is to work in harmony
with us, for monetary dealings on a large
scale, between the two worlds."
My reader may well imagine that my eyes
almost blazed with excitement at the
magnitude of the prospect opened up.
"Q wishes us to gather together all
the capital that we can, and to send it
across to him, in order that he may be
able to organize with him a corporate
association of phanograms, or perhaps in
this case, one would more correctly call
them phantoids."
I had no sooner grasped Annerly's meaning
than I became enthusiastic over it.
We decided to try the great experiment
that night.
My own worldly capital was,
unfortunately, no great amount. I had,
however, some £500 in bank stock
left to me at my father's decease, which
I could, of course, realize
within a few hours. I was fearful,
however, lest it might prove too small to
enable Q to organize his fellow phantoids
with it.
I carried the money in notes and
sovereigns to Annerly's room, where it
was laid on the table. Annerly was
fortunately able to contribute a larger
sum, which, however, he was not to place
beside mine until after I had withdrawn,
in order that conjunction of our monetary
personalities might not dematerialize the
astral phenomenon.
We made our preparations this time with
exceptional care, Annerly quietly
confident, I, it must be confessed,
extremely nervous and fearful of failure.
We removed our boots, and walked about on
our stockinged feet, and at Annerly's
suggestion, not only placed the furniture
as before, but turned the coal-scuttle
upside down, and laid a wet towel over
the top of the wastepaper basket.
All complete, I wrung Annerly's hand, and
went out into the darkness.
I waited next morning in vain. Nine
o'clock came, ten o'clock, and finally
eleven, and still
no word of him. Then feverish with
anxiety, I sought his lodgings.
Judge of my utter consternation to find
that Annerly had disappeared. He had
vanished as if off the face of the earth.
By what awful error in our preparations,
by what neglect of some necessary psychic
precautions, he had met his fate, I
cannot tell. But the evidence was only
too clear, that Annerly had been engulfed
into the astral world, carrying with him
the money for the transfer of which he
had risked his mundane existence.
The proof of his disappearance was easy
to find. As soon as I dared do so with
discretion I ventured upon a few
inquiries. The fact that he had been
engulfed while still owing four months'
rent for his rooms, and that he had
vanished without even having time to pay
such bills as he had outstanding with
local tradesmen, showed that he must have
been devisualized at a moment's notice.
The awful fear that I might be held
accountable for his death, prevented me
from making the affair public.
Till that moment I had not realized the
risks that he had incurred in our
reckless dealing with the world of
spirits. Annerly fell a victim to the
great cause of psychic science, and the
record of our experiments remain in the
face of prejudice as a witness to its
truth.
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