THE FOOLISHNESS OF 'FRISCO
By Maitland LeRoy Osborne
(1871-1960)
"I WAS sure locoed once," said 'Frisco,
poking a reflective forefinger into the
bowl of his briarwood pipe. "All along
of its being spring and me as frisky and foolish
as a two-year-old.
"It wasn't just because the girl was pretty
I've met up with a plenty better looking
ones before and since but there was something
in her eyes that made my heart wobble
round a whole lot when she looked at me.
Blue they were, like that patch of clear sky
over the trees yonder, and big and innocent
I used to dream about them nights while I
was riding herd with ten thousand long-horns
and my own thoughts for company; and when
a fellow gets to where thinking of the color
of a girl's eyes keeps him from being
lonesome he's pretty far along towards being in
love with her.
"Old man Taylor, who owned the Bar-O
ranch in the Sweetwater Valley, was her
uncle, and the doctors had sent her out from
somewheres back East to live out doors for a
few months. The day after the old man
brings her out from town with the buckboard
he calls me up to the ranch house and tells
me he wants me to see that she has a good
time and don't get lost
"You see, the old man had known me
quite a while and hadn't ever heard of my
trying to steal anybody's dust. Well, I sticks
out my chest quite a lot and puts on a new
pair of chaps and turns nursemaid real cheerful
and contented, and for four long months
there's hardly an hour of the day that I'm
not round somewheres handy in case that girl
wants me to play with.
"I picked out the most sober-minded cow
pony on the ranch and broke him till a baby
could have led him round with a string, and
then I learned her to ride, and after that we
was gamboling over the landscape pretty
much all the time.
"First off, being new to the game, I was a
little shy on language, but she was so
interested in everything that I got to be real
eloquent in time. It was all new to her, you
see, and different from anything she'd ever
seen or heard of or dreamed about, and she
just soaked up new experiences like a sponge
soaks up water. Even the flowers was different
from what she'd been used to back East,
and every time I found a new one to show
her I felt like I'd struck a streak of pay dirt.
"Every day she was growing prettier, her
hands were getting browned by the sun and
the color coming into her cheeks and her eyes
growing brighter and every day I was
getting more in love with her and more afraid
she'd find it out.
"It's curious how being in love affects
some people. I believe I'd have stopped
smoking if that girl had asked me which
she didn't. She had me halter-broke in
about a week so I'd stand all day without
being hitched, and when she'd smile at me
for the millionth part of a second I'd feel as
tickled as a yellow pup when somebody tosses
him a bone. I was sure foolish over her
and glad of it.
But trouble was coming my way fast,
and one day along in August I went to meet
it. The old man tells me we've got to have
some supplies, so I hitches a couple of cayuses
to the buckboard and starts for town at sun
up. It's an all-day drive, and after I puts up
the ponies and has my supper and orders the
store truck I goes out to mingle in the festivities.
Naturally I'm a whole lot thirsty after
riding all day in the sun, so I let's the Palace
Saloon absorb me and drifts up to the bar,
wondering whether I'll have straight poison or a
few of the new kind of fancy striped drinks,
but just as the barkeep pushes a bottle of
red-eye my way I catches a glimpse of a little
blue-eyed girl on a spotted pony riding along
the trail to meet me, and I sticks out my chest
and says, careless like, 'Gimme a lemonade
with plenty of ice.' The barkeep looks at
me sort of surprised, but he deals the hand
I've called for and I stands up there in a row
all by myself and drinks my lemonade.
Somehow the place seems sort of quiet and
lonesome, though there's a piano banging
away in one corner and about a hundred
cow-punchers calling for drinks in seven
languages, so I drifts out into the street again
and stands on the corner and gazes at the
festive throng, wondering if I'm sick. I've got
money in my pocket it's the first time I've
heard chips rattling for three months, and I
find out all of a sudden I'm not amused a little
bit. ''Frisco,' I says to myself, you're
too good for this world you'd better go to
bed,' which I does, after smoking two bits'
worth of three-for-a-quarter cigars.
"In the morning I turns out good and
early, loads up the buckboard with canned
goods and groceries and lopes over to the
postoffice for the mail. The postmaster hails
me when I sticks my head in the door and
asks if I want company. Says there's a tenderfoot come in on the stage the day before
who's looking for Taylor's ranch. Of course,
I says yes, and pretty soon they rounds him
up and shows him to me. He's hardly more
than a boy, and he has on more good clothes
than I've ever seen before all at one time.
He looks like he's a mighty long ways from
home, and the minute I set eyes on him I
know what he's there for as well as though
I'd been told.
"I reckon maybe I didn't look real joyful
to see him, but he's so anxious to get started
that he don't notice, and pretty soon we pulls
out for the Bar-O.
"For the first hour or two I watches the
road pretty close and don't say much, sizing
up my passenger out of the corner of my eye
when he ain't noticing. Except for his good
clothes he ain't a bad looking boy, and I
know he holds all the cards and will win in a
show-down. When I think of how glad the
girl is going to be when she sees him I feel a
whole lot like dropping him in the sagebrush
and letting him get lost.
"Along toward noon we're riding round a
sand hill when the ponies stick up their ears
in a way that means one of two things bear
or Indian, and it ain't more than a minute
before I see it's Indians. There's quite a
bunch of them, maybe twenty or thirty,
spread out so we can't get by and waiting real
patient for us to drive up and say howdy.
"They're all young braves, in paint and
feathers, and I know what their game is the
minute I set eyes on them. They has a
playful habit those days of breaking out of
the reservation occasionally and burning a
few ranch houses and scalping a few women
and children, and then sneaking back to
their tepees after dark and laughing at the
soldiers who come up on the run usually
about the time the fires stop smoking.
"I heads the ponies round so sudden that
the buckboard makes a circle on one wheel,
and starts back for town like I'd forgotten a
mighty important errand. 'What's up?' the
boy asks, holding onto the seat with both
hands. 'The noble red man's up,' I says,
dodging a bullet that sings by my ear like a
mosquito. 'He's seeing red and thirsty for
gore,' I says, 'and if you want to keep on
wearing your own hair you'd better hold on
tight.'
"There's a big, shelving rock about a mile
back, not far from the trail, and I know if we
can reach that I can hold them off for quite
a spell, so I slaps the reins on the ponies'
backs and yells a few times, and we drifts
over the landscape like a yellow dog with a
can tied to his tail, shedding store truck
something sinful. Every time we hit a rock
we jolts off a can of tomatoes or a bag of flour,
till it looks like a cyclone has scattered a
general store all along the trail. And all the
time them blamed Indians are crawling up on
us, hanging over their ponies' necks and yelling
like Hell let loose.
"When the rock's about five hundred
yards ahead and the nearest Indian about as
far behind, one of the ponies steps in a prairie dog's hole and goes down with a broken
leg, and before I have time to swear we're
piled up in a heap so promiscuous that I
don't know for a second or two which is me
and which is the buckboard. But I crawls
out of the wreck mighty spry and looks round
for the boy. He' s setting in a puddle of
molasses and flour and broken eggs,
hugging a ham under one arm and looking
mighty surprised, but not hurt a bit.
"It ain't any time to stop and talk, so I
cuts the other cayuse loose from what's left
of the buckboard, and picks up the boy and
chucks him onto its back. 'Now ride, you
little cuss,' I says, grabbing the pony's tail
and prodding him in the rump with the point
of my knife, and we heads for the rock, hit
ting only the high places, with the pony
towing me and the nearest Indian reaching
for my back hair. I never was much on
traveling a-foot, but I reckon I must have
broke all the running records for a five
hundred yard dash right then and there, and we
made the rock just ahead of our red brothers.
I knows then we're all right for a while, for
they can only get at us by riding straight up,
which ain't an Indian's idea of fighting at all.
"We cuddles down in a little hollow, and
the Indians ride back and begin to pow wow.
"Then a few of them split off and take a
circle around to see if they can get at us from
the rear, but I don't worry none, knowing
they can't reach us. Pretty soon they ride
back and after a lot more talking I see they're
going to try to rush us. 'Can you shoot?' I
asks the boy. 'Don't know,' he says, 'never
tried to.' 'Well,' I says, handing him one
of my forty-fours, 'you've got to learn how
right now. Keep your eye on that big buck
on the spotted pony and when he gets this
side of that bunch of sage brush open up on
him. Shoot low and keep a-shooting till you
hit something.' The boy takes the gun, looks
at it like a speckled rooster admiring a new
sort of worm, and pokes it out over a stone
real business-like.
"Then the crowd breaks loose and comes
for us with a rush, shooting and yelling like
mad. I've just made a good Indian out of a
cross-eyed brave with a yellow feather head
piece when I hear a shot behind me and the
big buck that I pointed out to the boy
doubles up and slides off his pony like a bag
of sand. 'By Jove!' the boy pipes up, real
excited and pleased, 'I really believe I hit
the beggar.
"I really believe you did, sonny,'
I says, patting him on the back. Then
the Indians split up in two bunches and go
by on the run out of range.
"When they come back, the boy getting
excited, forgets to hug the ground close
enough and a bullet kicks up the dust in front
of him, knocks off his hat and flattens against
the rock behind me, and he tumbles back
across my legs. I thinks they've got him
then, sure, but it's only a glancing cut on the
side of his head that stuns him.
"I'd tumbled another Indian off his pony
as they went back, which made three out of
the game altogether, but I see they're going
to try it again, so I pushes the boy down
behind me and loads both guns in a hurry.
When I see him laying there, looking as
innocent as a baby, with his white face and a
smile on his lips and the blood trickling down
one cheek, I think of the little girl back there
on the ranch and the look that'll be in her
eyes if I go back and tell her that he's dead,
and I gets mighty hot and uncomfortable.
'They may get his hair yet,' I says to myself,
'but they've got to get mine first.' Then the
show begins again and the bullets buzz
around my ears like a lot of bees.
"Four times those infernal redskins circled
the rock, and six of their ponies had lost
their riders, but I was getting shot up quite a
lot, having to expose myself some to keep the
boy covered. When all of a sudden I
hears a strain of the sweetest music I ever
listened to a bugle sounding the charge, and
a company of troopers breaks cover from
behind a sand hill. When they come in sight
the Indians just naturally tumble all over
themselves, trying to get away, and the whole
outfit goes by in a cloud of dust and noise.
"I jumps up and waves my hat and lets
loose a few joyful yells when they go by, and
then my knees got sort of wobbly and I loses
interest in the proceedings for quite a spell.
"The next thing I knows I finds myself
astride a pony with my boots full of blood.
'Where's the boy?' I asks the trooper
that's holding me on my cayuse. 'Oh, he's
all right,' he says, 'nothing but a scratch on
the head,' and I shuts my eyes again and
forgets my troubles.
"The next day I'm laying in my bunk,
feeling mighty lonesome, when the little girl
opens the door and looks in to see if I'm
awake. I tries to get up on one elbow, but
I'm too weak, and she comes in and drops
down on her knees beside the bunk with her
eyes shining like stars and slips her arms
around my neck and kisses me. 'You dear
old 'Frisco,' she says, hiding her brown curls
against my shoulder. Somehow I can't seem
to think of anything to say, so I just lays
there, staring at the ceiling while she
whispers a lot of things into my left ear about how
good I've been to her, and after a while she
kisses me again and goes away.
"Well, they had a parson out from town a
week or so later, and the boy and girl insisted
on my being best man."
'Frisco turned his gaze to watch a wheeling
eagle far overhead then, "They named
their first boy after me," he said, with a
shy smile.
(THE END)