The Lively Adventure of the Widow's
Cow
By M. Quad
[pseud for C B Lewis]
(1842-1924)
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THERE
were pirate craft quartering the
Caribbean Sea from the Island of
Trinidad to Havana, and from Nassau
to the Bay of Honduras. They sailed up
and down the Gulf of Florida, and they hung
about the Bahama Bank and the Yucatan and
Windward Channels. Many a trader from
the American coast fell into their hands, to
be burned or sunk and the crew sadly
misused, and the dread of the black flag lay
heavy on the sailor's mind.
Of all the men who, trusting in luck, went
from the port of Salem to the Florida Cape,
Noah Hutchins was perhaps the most
notable. In his old butter-box of a brig, the
Lucky Sally, he sailed out of Salem for the
West Indies as calmly and serenely as he
started off for Sunday meeting when ashore.
On one occasion he would have been captured
by a rover but for the advent of a sudden
squall; on another the Lucky Sally owed her
escape to a fog and brought home three solid
shot fired into her hull; again a "long, low,
rakish craft, "flying the Jolly Roger, had
come within range of her and was about to
open fire when an English man-of-war hove
in sight and sent the red rover scurrying.
These escapes simply confirmed Captain
Noah Hutchins in his first belief in the luck
of the Lucky Sally. On the day the brig was
launched he had found a Continental dollar
in the road, and after he had moistened it
with his tongue and had boxed the compass
backward he had met a white horse and a
one-horned cow. Even pirates couldn't beat
Now and then as he made such luck as that.
ready for a voyage some of the townspeople
would say to him:
"Captain Noah, don't depend too much
upon Providence. You can't expect to
always escape the pirates, even with the Lord
on your side."
"Mebbe not," he would reply; "but if me
and the Sally and Providence can't squeeze
through, then my gravestun is all ready,
'ceptin' the date."
Captain Noah had been a widower for
many years. For many years also he had
had an eye on the "Widder" Skinner; when
he got through taking out machinery and
calicoes and bringing back rum and molasses he
would ask her to jine with him. It was
an understood thing between them. Each
time that he sailed away the widow admonished
him to look out for black flags, and each
time he returned home she thanked Heaven
for his escape.
As time went on he came to his last voyage.
The pirates were still doing a brisk
business at the old stand, but the luck of the
Lucky Sally would take her through, and
then he'd settle down and have a home for
the remainder of his days. On the night
before the brig was to sail Captain Noah
went up as usual to call on the widow.
"Nancy, I shall be back in about a
month," he said as he sat poking the fire and
eating an apple, "and then I'll be around to
milk the cow, feed the hogs and wind the
clock."
"Well, I shall be kind o' glad on it," she
replied without a blush. "I do confess that
it's sort o' handy to have a man around.
By the way, Noah, did I tell you that the cow
had lost her cud?"
"N-o-o-a! You don't say so!"
"Yes, she
has. Hasn't
been herself
for the
last two
weeks.
When a cow
loses her
cud you can
look for
most
anything to
happen."
"What
d'ye 'spose
made her lose it?" asked the Captain after
a solemn silence.
"Dunno, unless she got to pining."
"Pining for what?"
"For a change of scenery, mebbe. I've
been thinking. This is to be your last
voyage, and the cow has lost her cud.
Being as this is your last voyage I want you
to be comfortabler than usual. Being as the
cow is pining, s'posen you take her along
and give her a change of scenery? Both of
you'll be the better for it."
"She'd be in the way," replied the
Captain slowly, "but at the same time
there's the milk. Then she'd sort o' remind
me of you. If change of scenery will
brighten her up, I'll fetch her back with her
tail in the air."
It happened, therefore, that when the
Lucky Sally spread her wings next morning
and sailed out of Salem at her usual lively
speed of six miles an hour, the widow's cow
was on board.
"Don't let her get hold of any onion-tops
to taint her milk, and look out for pirates,
called the Widow Skinner as the brig cast
off.
"I'll remember, and don't you fall down
cellar nor git drowned in the cistern," replied
the Captain, and so they parted.
It is due to the pirates of that day, who are
no longer on hand to protect their reputations,
to say that they kept a bright lookout
for Captain Noah Hutchins and his butter-box,
and it wasn't their fault that the Lucky
Sally squeaked through for the dozenth time
and brought up in the port of San Domingo.
It is also due to the record of the cow, who
didn't outlive the pirates many years, to say
she did her best to make Captain Noah
"comfortabler."
Nothing happened for any one to fall over
until the brig was headed for home and was
trying to bound over the bounding billows to
the westward of Caicos Bank. The sun had
just climbed out of his bed when a sail was
reported coming up astern. The mate and
the crew almost at once declared her to be a
pirate, but Captain Noah was in no hurry
about it. He ate his breakfast and smoked
his pipe, and then took a long squint at the
stranger through his glass. Her black flag
had been thrown to the breeze and was
visible to the naked eye before the Captain
carefully put away his glass and calmly observed:
"Wall, now, but that's a pirate, sure 'nuff,
and I shouldn't wonder if he was after us."
There was considerable trepidation among
the crew, but Captain Noah showed no
evidence of being upset. There was neither
squall nor fog-bank nor man-of-war in sight,
but he'd continue to trust to luck. About all
he did in the way of preparation was to
advise his men not to "jaw back or make
up faces" in case they were boarded by the
pirate.
The Lucky Sally cut along at her best
pace, but two hours after the strange sail had
been raised the rover craft was alongside.
Luck had finally deserted the brig. As no
resistance was made when a score of
cut-throats scrambled over the rail, no one was
shot or cut down. Captain Noah didn't get
flustrated. He looked the situation over and
then explained to the pirate leader:
"Wall, Captain, she's loaded with rum
and sugar and won't make you rich, but
we've got to take luck as it comes. I did
hope to dodge ye jest this once more, but
being as I couldn't, I must make the best of
it. What ye going to do with her?"
By the usual rules and regulations governing
the pirate business, Captain Noah and his
crew ought to have been made to walk the
plank and the brig sent to the bottom after
them, but all rules and regulations have
exceptions. There was no dearth of rum and
sugar in the black flag market, but such a
cargo always came in handy. A trader's
crew couldn't reasonably expect mercy from
pirates, especially when they hadn't a dollar
to give up, but the rovers reasoned it out that
it would save their own muscle to let the
crew of the Lucky Sally work her up to
Acklin Island, which was then a rendezvous,
and break out the cargo. When they had
served their turn they could be shot, hung or
drowned, according to convenience.
A crew of six fantastically dressed and
serious-looking rovers were left on board as
a prize crew, and the pirate craft took herself
off in search of a richer prize. The brig's
crew numbered seven, counting the cook, but
as jack-knives were their only weapons the
pirates had no cause to fear a revolt. They
had arms in plenty, and they also realized
the moral effect upon the peaceful traders of
their profession and presence. They took
possession of the cabin and the Captain's big
jug of Santa Cruz extra, and though they
drank and gambled and cursed and sang, they
offered no violence to the helpless prisoners.
If the wind hadn't chopped around and
piped up and tried to blow the Lucky Sally's
teeth down her throat she might have fetched
Acklin Island within twenty-four hours, but
as it was, instead of going ahead she was
beaten back. It was all the same, however.
The pirates were having a good time of it
and were in no hurry to get anywhere, and
Captain Noah looked to windward and to
leeward, and figured it out that the longer he
was afloat the more show there was for luck
to come back to him.
I have treated the widow's cow as a cipher
while relating the story of attack and capture.
But for sight of the pirate sail she would have
been milked at the usual hour in the morning.
The chase and capture put her out of the
thoughts of captain, mate and cook, and up to
five o'clock in the afternoon she had neither
been milked, watered nor fed. At that
hour, when the pirates had ceased their
roystering for a time to let their heads clear,
and were assembled on deck, one of them
suddenly espied the cow and cried out that
he was both a farmer and a pirate bold. He
would milk her, and there should be
milk-punch for night-caps.
Pail and stool were fetched, and, amidst
much hilarity on the part of his companions,
the cut-throat set out to play the part of a
dairy-maid. The widow's cow was hungry
and thirsty and suffering from want of
milking, and, though not an excitable cow,
the presence of the pirates had affected her
somewhat. She had become nervous and
irritable, and finally had a longing to break
loose and battle for her bovine rights. She
was in this mood when one of the black flags
untied her and led her out upon the deck,
and the man with the pail sat down to his
task. The first move was a kick which
rolled the milker on his back and confused
his piratical ideas for full five minutes. The
second was a charge which lifted the man at
the end of the rope off his feet and let him.
fall with a crash. Then, as the four other
pirates cried out and started back the cow
pursued them. Two of them were picked up
on her horns before they could escape, while
the other two sprang into the rigging.
Then it was that Captain Noah Hutchins
saw luck coming aboard and reached out to
give her a helping hand. In two minutes
they had four of the pirates fast bound, and
the brig was their own again. The cow kept
charging about for the next ten minutes, not
discriminating between pirate and honest
sailor, while the two rovers in the rigging
swore they would never be taken alive.
All things come to an end, however, and in
due time the cow was secured and the pirates
were tied hand and heel. The milking had
hardly been finished when the wind hauled
four points to the west, the yards of the
Lucky Sally were braced to the change and
she went squattering away up the Channel
with all the dignity of a man-of-war. But
Captain Noah was not unduly hilarious.
"Yes, it did look a leetle bit rusty an hour
ago," he admitted to his mate, "but no man
ever ought to lay down till his time comes.
It kind o' seemed to me right along that with
that cow aboard and the Widder waiting for
me at home we might squeak through."
Next day the Lucky Sally was spoken by
an American man-of-war and the pirates were
turned over to her, and the Widow's cow
received so much admiration and so many
compliments that she almost lost her cud
again while drinking in the praise.
There were other rovers afloat, and there
were squalls and fogs and head winds to be
encountered, but one fair day the Lucky Sally
sailed into the port of Salem with flags flying,
everybody whistling and the cook beating on
a tin pan. The story of the cow, the capture
and the escape was known all over town
almost before the brig had been made fast to
the wharf, and everybody turned out to swing
his hat and huzza and assist in a triumphal
march to the Widow Skinner's. Captain
Noah led the cow with one hand and waved
the American flag with the other. The cow
was chewing her cud, and her tail stood up,
just as he had promised.
"Wall, Noah, I was 'specting ye back,"
said the Widow as she appeared at the door.
"So the cow has got over pining?"
"I'm a-believing she has, Nancy, and I've
got the all-firedest pirate story to tell ye ever
heard of. That critter saved the Lucky Sally
and all the rest of us."
"Shoo! Didn't I say that losing her cud
and your last voyage had a bearing on each
other? Wall, turn her into the barnyard and
then scrape the mud off yer boots and come
in and tell me all about it."
"And we are to be jined in marriage in
two weeks," said the Captain as he led the
cow away.
"La me, but what a man! If you say so I
s'pose it's got to be, even if I have to put off
making soft-soap and dyeing carpet-rags."
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Two were picked up on her horns before they could escape
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