The story of King Richard, No. 3,
Appears to have been left to tell by me.
That fellow Shakespeare's version's heretic,
And does injustice to the Kingly Dick.
Here is the simple truth. Young Richard, who
Was Duke of Glocester (not in Massachu-
Setts, but in England) yearned — a natural thing —
To give up duking it and be a king.
Now, in the path of his ambition stood
A brace of nephews, one of whom by blood,
And not by any virtue of his own,
Was legally entitled to the throne.
[There were some other obstacles, but these
The Duke beheaded with dispatch and ease.]
The nephews were — if history's no deceiver —
Still at the age of croup and scarlet-fever,
And liable to whooping-cough at any hour —
Wherefore this uncle placed them in a tower.
He also kindly volunteered, until
His little nephews grew to age, to fill
The vacant throne, which to the boy, of course,
Was nothing to a rattle or tin horse.
Kind-hearted Richard! Yet it is a fact
That some have blamed him for this very act;
Which goes to show the utter thanklessness
Of those who seek their uncle in distress!
Well, when the nephews didn't die,
And didn't even seem inclined to try,
Their uncle came to see them in the tower,
And after pointing out the curse of power,
And dwelling on the burdens they must bear
Unless they forthwith climbed the golden stair,
And reading from their Sunday-school books how
Good little boys died young, as all do now —
When this he'd done, he waited, nothing loth,
Until they fell asleep, then smothered both.
That fellow Shakespeare and some others say
The job was done in quite a different way;
They claim that Richard let the contract out
To other parties — which admits of doubt —
For all the history of the world has shown
That hands like that are better played alone.
Confederates are apt to let the air in —
Besides, King Richard wasn't that kind of hairpin!
I shake the spear offset at old Shakespeare,
For Richard did it as you see him here!
The nephews dead, their Uncle Dick agreed
To take the crown and be a king indeed.
He'd rather not, he said — he wasn't hearty —
But still he'd do it to preserve the party.
And what reward was paid him for his pains!
Why, this — they killed him on the Bosworth plains!
And that was all he got, King Richard 3,
For being what he wanted most to be.
And for that famous horse — but let that pass.
No man would give (unless he were an ass)
A kingdom for a horse, when there are plenty
At decent prices that can go in :20.
Such, briefly, is the story of this king;
And really 'tis a most amazing thing
That people nowadays should seek to cast
Opprobrium on a monarch of the past,
Or rank a man among the scum and refuse
For merely killing off two little nephews.
